When Shoudl You Stop Picking Up Baby Everytime They Cry

Can You Spoil a Newborn?

Medically Reviewed by Micah Resnick, M.D., F.A.A.P.

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on October 18, 2021

Find out why it's impossible to spoil a newborn with your love and attention.

Whether it's from a family member or a well-meaning neighbor, almost every new parent has heard the same warning at some point or another: "If you keep picking up your baby every time she cries, you're going to spoil her." Or, "Watch out — you can spoil a newborn by feeding her whenever she wants."

To those who say you pay too much attention, don't pay them any attention (true for much of the unwanted baby advice you'll be getting). The truth is, it's impossible to spoil a newborn. That's right, impossible! And the experts agree. Here's what the research shows:

Newborns cry because they have basic needs

Their needs are actually the same as their wants at this age — to be fed, held, comforted and loved. And it is your job to listen to your instincts and respond to those needs and wants as best you can. If that means toting your infant around in a sling while you do the laundry or getting up every few hours throughout the night to nurse, so be it. That won't spoil a newborn — far from it.

When you respond to your newborn's cries and try to meet her needs, you're teaching her to feel secure and confident. And that security and confidence will result in less crying and more independence in the long run. That's because young babies who feel a deep trust in their parents tend to develop a secure sense of self that helps them self-soothe later on.

Newborns aren't manipulative

Worried that your baby may be using her whimpers and tears to manipulate you? Even your precious angel isn't smart enough for that kind of complicated thought at this young age. Newborns' needs and wants are much more straightforward.

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So each time you or your partner quickly responds to your infant's cries for food, a cuddle or help nodding off to sleep, you're reinforcing the notion that you'll be there for your little one and that she can count on you. This notion will not spoil a newborn but will instead help her develop a healthy bond with her parents.

Of course there will be times when you can't get to your infant as quickly as you might like (hey, parents have to pee, too!), but responding to your infant's needs as best you can will let your infant know she's loved. And guess what? A baby who's secure in her bond with her parents is a happier, less-needy baby — and becomes an older baby who has the courage to take on the world without clinging to you.

It's a little different with older babies

Once your baby gets to be about 6 months old, however, her wants will get more sophisticated and they may not be the same thing as her needs. For instance, an older baby may want to pull your hair or earring or she may want that TV remote with all the interesting buttons.

In cases like that, it's good to set some consistent limits and teach discipline. Use different toys to distract her and replace objects she shouldn't play with. And offer positive words instead of negative ones as much as possible, like "This is how we pet a cat" instead of "Don't pull Fluffy's tail!" That way, your baby will eventually learn the concept that you don't always give her what she wants, but you still love her.

For now, though, while your little one is still so young, remember that you can't spoil a newborn — but you can teach her to trust in you and the world.

From the What to Expect editorial team and Heidi Murkoff, author ofWhat to Expect When You're Expecting. What to Expect follows strict reporting guidelines and uses only credible sources, such as peer-reviewed studies, academic research institutions and highly respected health organizations. Learn how we keep our content accurate and up-to-date by reading our medical review and editorial policy.

• What to Expect the First Year, 3rd edition, Heidi Murkoff.
• WhatToExpect.com, What Do Your Baby's Cries Mean?, June 2021.
• WhatToExpect.com, Teaching Baby Discipline, November 2018.
• WhatToExpect.com, How Do I Stop My Baby From Pulling Hair?, October 2021.
• American Academy of Pediatrics, What's the Best Way to Discipline My Child?, November 2018.
• American Academy of Pediatrics, Responding to Your Baby's Cries, April 2021.

When Shoudl You Stop Picking Up Baby Everytime They Cry

Source: https://www.whattoexpect.com/baby-behavior/spoil-a-newborn.aspx

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